Day One

This is a new start for me. Blogging. Typically I write on paper, mostly so I don't tie up the computer. Now that I bought a desktop, that leaves the laptop open for me to type on.
I have been thinking, debating, and deciding on some major life changes. Turning 30 this year has inspired me to make some changes for the better around here.
I don't have the typical life. For one I have five kids. Soon to be six. I was married and divorced by the time I was 21. I live in my own house in which I have no bills. I don't pay for food, car gas, cigarettes or diapers. Pretty much just worrying about the extras.
I have not worked in three years. I wished I had known how hard it would be to go back to work after this long. It is literally impossible to motivate myself to look for a job. I end up making excuses.
My children are out of control. Ages 12, 9, 8, 6, and 20 months. I thought being the "friendly" parent I would get more cooperation, more happy children. I wish I could tell any parent considering this approach stay far from it. I didn't restrict my children. And now that I desire order, they have gone mad.
I let my weight get out of control. Hitting 250 is scarrier than ever. I am a shorter person and it just looks like I eat everything. This is not the case. I have allowed my children to eat and eat whatever they want. I bet I WAS the only mom who would add $30 worth of candy to the grocery list. Besides this they all are amazing kids, I wouldn't trade them for anything. I just got a lot of work ahead of me. With new baby coming in December this is needed now more than ever.
I have had people in my life tell me that I was lucky for not having to worry about bills or anything. All I had to do was ask. As long as I could remember if I asked I got it. No matter what. Well this doesn't work when your the mother of five kids. My access to this kind of life has turned me into a straight faced, sour, and embarrassed person. I hide away in my house not leaving for days. These things have to change. I used to be outgoing, taking care of things when needed, now I let things slide. I got alot of work to do. Alot of careful planning. I feel like I am turning 18 and my parents are making me move out, only I have five kids to take care of and a house full of stuff. This is gonna take time. I really would like to have alot of this taken care of by the time the baby comes. This blog will help me even if no one reads it, I will. And I feel like people will so I will have to make progress from day to day.