Just Thinking....

I am sitting here thinking. My children are all sleeping, still. Something happened last week that caused me to think even harder. I am talking about, alcoholics, gamblers, obesity, caffeine addictions, workaholics, domestic abuse, drug abuse, extreme financial highs, extreme financial lows. Homelessness, unemployment and so on. At some point in my life these things we're a major problem. Or in some way affected me or my family. Last week my brothers girlfriend of 8 years was arrested for domestic abuse. She goes to court on Friday. This has caused me to think about my marriage and the bs I had gone through for ten years. I don't think people really get the domestic abuse thing. I very rarely talk of it. My family knows, they saw the injuries and said my behavior was different during my marriage. While I was married I didn't think that I was in an abusive marriage. I knew he was mean and liked things done exactly the way he wanted. I did walk on eggshells every second of every day and sometimes worried if he would be upset that I wore make up to work. I was in and out of the hospital alot. I have many scars from stitches or gashes caused by fights. I really don't remember fighting alot. Or should I say he faught with me. I did nothing ever to defend myself. I didn't want to make it worse. Somehow he always made me think that I deserved it. Deep down I think (I hope) I knew better. It took me ten years to leave that relationship. It took loosing everything my kids and I owned (including my house). To stay away. It's been four years. I really haven't thought much about it. What I am getting at is I wonder if my brother goes through some of the same things I did. Weird to think that for a guy, but his girlfriend is an alcoholic. One of the worst ones I have ever seen. Drunk by noon. Completely out of control by 3PM and at times when I have run into she has wet her pants and didn't even know. She always drives and has never got a DUI. Not that she's careful, I have seen her, it's actually scarry and I have gotten into fights with her when she tries to pick her daughter up in the middle of the night from my house and shes trashed. I too was an alcoholic and I guess that's how I coped with leaving my marriage. But I don't ever remeber being abusive or argumentative, I however have gotten a DUI. My brothers girlfriend drinks, (I think) because they owe every place in town money. And they owe this because of a gambling problem. My brother told me that they have only lost around twelve grand this year. I think I choked when I heard that. The only reason they have a place to live is because they live in my old house. It's paid for. My grandpa bought it for me so my husband couldn't lock me out. When I left with my husband to another state he allowed them to move in. When I came home twenty days later, leaving everything behind, I really couldn't ask for my house back considering I left on bad terms. Against my families wishes. My brother is unemployed. He has been for seven years. He says he doesn't have time to work and acts as if he is better than that. Causing the family to always tell him to get a job. It may help out with bills. Ya think.........

Ultimately I don't know where I am going with all this. But It is funny (not really) how people who don't deal with these problems think that you can just stop. Stop gambling. Stop drinking. Leave your husband... It's alot harder than you think. I think that today even though I have my struggles, I am safe, I have a house, and my kids are happy. I have overcome an abusive marriage. Alcoholism. I hope to say my brother has overcome a gambling problem but that is no where in sight sadly....