Okay Stacey....Now what?

I have looked over my blog. It looks pretty scatterbrained to me. Depending on the day and time and what's crossing my mind at the minute is what a type about.

Technically when I started this blog it was to figure things out. With my kids, finances and myself. I really haven't done anything to get towards this. I am thinking I have too many goals, too many things going on daily, that I always get side tracked. Every aspect of my life has some sort of drama or problem that needs to be dealt with before I can fix the original problem.

I think I am going to have to disect everything and fix what ever it takes to get to the original problem, then I am going to have to dissect the problem and change it.

Having lived the life I have lived there is no shortage of problems. It is filled with mistakes left and right and letting things go up and down that I am constantly blind sighted by "surprises" and I see no end in sight. I am somehow reminded of mistakes or "happenings" that I have made or someone close to me has been through and it either affects me directly or changes my way of thinking. I could almost right a book of them.

I am always telling myself that I am smarter than that, or better than this. I guess what it boils down to is that I am tired of making the same mistakes over and over, especially when I know that it isn't the right thing to do.

I hope that I am not sounding hopeless. Which I am not. Actually I am a pretty positive person but find myself keeping to myself. Daily I am surrounded by kids and my family. Meaning every single day I talk to my mom, my brother, my grandma and my grandpa. I talk to my sister two to three times a week and the same with my step dad. My brother and his girlfriend live in Sioux Falls and I hear from them a couple times a week. I don't speak to any of my old friends. At some point we pretty much went our seperate ways. Most of my friends still party and don't have any kids. From time to time I run into a few and we always exchange numbers but I never find the time to give them a call or make time for a get together. When I do, go out, or do something it is with my family. Alot of people think this is weird because I have gone bar hopping with my mom and sister and I used to be close to both my brothers girlfriends. Over time we have grown apart because of different things here and there.

I guess what I am getting at is the drama, and the creators of it are in my life daily. There is no sign of slowing. I do feel out of place alot of times. My family, (Mom, Grandma, Siblings) all roll over if they hear someone fart. They have sick minds and are always making something out of a weird shaped object and make sick jokes. I am usually the one sitting there staring when these things happen. I remember as a kid in church my mom would always start laughing and have to leave and it used to be so funny. Now I just want to say grow up. So I keep my mouth shut but someone always says something.

Here I go blah blah blahing again. I need to identify and change or fix somethings right away.....Let's see if I can do this. I am going to make breakfast and then it's fixing time.